Just Be...In Control

Let me ask you a question: How soon after this newsletter arrived in your inbox did you open it? Studies suggest as many as 70 percent of emails are read AND responded to within six seconds of their arrival. In tracking the open rate of previous newsletters, I can attest to the fact that most of you open these emails within an hour of receiving them. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE that you find these missives worthy of timely attention, but I'm asking you to do me a favor: please stop and ask yourself, Do I really need to read this RIGHT NOW?

We live in a hyper connected world, and in many ways, this is a wonderful thing. Families who live far apart can see and interact with one another on a daily basis; friends who have lost touch over the years can connect and catch up as though no time has passed; and we can access any elusive fact or research a burning question within seconds. 
 
But constant connection also has its downsides. When is the last time you spent an afternoon with a friend that wasn't interrupted at some point by an email or text that "needed" an immediate response? When is the last time you focused your full attention on a work assignment or personal project without being distracted by an incoming text or facebook notification? When is the last time you were successful in accomplishing the goals on your list rather than allowing your day to be derailed by endless responses to other people's agendas? 

Despite taking steps to reduce my own reliance on email and social media in recent years, I continue to find myself sliding down that slippery slope of checking for "just one more thing" and losing precious hours of presence with the ones I love. So last month, I decided to do something about it.
 
During August, I challenged myself to take a real break. I unplugged for one entire week (!) and significantly curtailed my online availability the rest of the month. In doing so, I made some key observations that helped me shift my behaviors and be more present. 

• Identify triggers and create a strategy to overcome them. Standing in line, waiting for a client or appointment, being stuck at a stoplight, and mirroring the behavior of a tech-addicted companion cause me to compulsively reach for my phone. But I have found that simply pausing to question my motivation has helped me curb the behavior. Next time you catch yourself grabbing your phone reflexively, take a deep breath, count to five, and consider whether you need to send or receive a specific message at that exact moment. If it isn't truly urgent, wait. Experience the moment you are in, and communicate when you are able to do so with your full attention.
• Set boundaries, and stick to them. Identify when, and how, you will engage via email and social media, and enforce your limits. Turn off your social media notifications while at the office. Read email and Facebook at designated intervals rather than constantly checking for updates. Staying on task will enable you to work more efficiently, resulting in more time for the things YOU want to do.
• Be realistic and do what you can. If your job requires you to be constantly informed and responsive, you don't have a choice about whether to check your email throughout the day. But consider separating your work and personal accounts, or creating a system of folders to organize your incoming messages in a way that allows you to attend to your duties with fewer unrelated disruptions. Even small steps can help alleviate the stress of constant communication.
• Experiment with a full tech break. You might not have the option of powering down for an entire week, but choose a day (or even an hour) this weekend to unplug and see what you learn. I promise it isn't as terrifying as you may think, and you might even find you enjoy the change of pace!

As we transition out of summer and start fresh with fall routines, try taking control of when and how you communicate. Experience how it feels to be more present in your work and play...