We all have regrets. And most of us spend a fair amount of time wondering what life would be like if we hadn't made that big mistake...said that hurtful thing...missed that great opportunity. Or we dwell on the other side of the equation - assuming things would be better if only we had taken that job...accepted that date...went on that trip.
When working with infertility clients, I often ask them to write down the facts of their journey so far. Some make lists of procedures, results, and disappointments. Others produce poignant reflections on the pain they have experienced. Most often, each person concludes their work with a sigh. We spend time processing the emotions that surfaced as well as any new discoveries or ideas. And then I remind them that what HAS happened in the past does not define what WILL happen in the future.
Yes - most of us could have made better decisions at different points in our lives, but the only decisions that matter moving forward are those that lie ahead of us. Today is the only day we can begin taking better care of ourselves and our loved ones. Right now is our only chance to tell our family and friends how much we appreciate them. This moment is our best and only opportunity to do things differently.
There is benefit in reflection and learning from the past, but our time and energy is better spent looking at what lies right in front of us and responding in the most kind and loving way we know how. Next time you catch yourself looking backward, pause and reset your focus. Shift your gaze and your attention to what lies ahead.