When Fear Paralyzes

Imperfection is a familiar theme on these pages. We spent a year reflecting on the concept and learning how to embrace - or at least accept - it. I have been intentional about acknowledging its ubiquity in my own life. But in recent weeks it feels like I have been taking one step forward and two steps back... 

For the past month I have been on a blogging sabbatical. I chose this timing intentionally to coincide with the leisurely last gasp of summer that is August in our nation's capital. I set aside time to evaluate whether the website and blog were meeting the needs of readers and staying true to the original vision. I had grand visions of investing hours, days, even weeks to make it all perfect. I wanted it to be beautiful! More user-friendly! More interactive! And I was excited about the prospect of unveiling the final product in all its glory on September 1.

As with any Angelyn venture, I laid out a carefully considered plan. I solicited feedback, investigated best practices, and reflected on what I find most valuable in the sites and offerings I enjoy. Then I sat down with my piles of information to get down to work. But I froze. Because the more excited I became about sharing the "perfect" product, the more daunting the idea became. What made me think I could do this on my own? I'm not remotely technical. I'm not even artistic. I have no idea what I'm doing. What if others don't like it? Or worse - what if they don't even care?

So I surrendered to the many opportunities for distraction that summer provides. I read books that had nothing to do with web design or consumer data. I watched movies with loved ones. I introduced the babe to the grand spectacle that is the Olympic games. I retreated with friends. I took up a new hobby (more on this to come!). And I soaked up as many precious moments as I could before my sweet girl begins her preschool program later this month (Aaack!).

As the date for the "unveiling" approached, I found myself paralyzed. I convinced myself that I just needed more time. If I held off one more month I could really focus. I could consult with a professional. I could hire a team to make it perfect.

But I could not ignore the small voice in the back of my mind who whispered it would never be perfect - and putting imperfections on display is an important part of the journey. My heart's desire in this endeavor is to provide resources, encouragement, and a connection point for real people - all of us living in our respective versions of imperfection. Pursuing our dreams. And sharing what we learn along the way.

So I am moving forward with the current version of my imperfect offering. I hope you like it. But more than that, I hope it offers encouragement, valuable tools, and an occasional smile. Where you see room for improvement, let me know! We're on this road together. Let's keep going...